© Dr. Chris Schriner 2008
Mission Peak Unitarian Universalist Congregation
March 23, 2008
Here are three readings, starting with lines from Dylan Thomas:
Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
From the Gospel of John, quoting Jesus: "Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit." (John 12:24)
And finally, from Karl Jaspers: "We are mortal when we are loveless, immortal when we love."
No minister can be an expert about every sermon topic, but I can say without boasting that I know a lot about the fear of death. However, I'm not an expert at overcoming that fear. No doubt many of you accept death more gracefully than I do.
I grew up assuming there would be life after death, but in college I decided that this life is all there is. At first this did not alarm me, until one evening I had a terrible experience. At age 25 I was visiting my mother's house, sitting in my bedroom alone sipping a tall, cool Tom Collins. In this only slightly altered state of consciousness, I was suddenly, in one single instant, transfixed by the finality of my own personal termination. I couldn't shake it off. Hour after hour, I was bathed in the consciousness of mortality, all evening, all the next day and all the next. I talked with friends about it, but that didn't help.
Filled with despair, nothing seemed to have value, nothing was enjoyable. Music, which I love, became just another kind of noise. It was the closest I've ever come to psychosis. One evening during that period I walked through the Claremont Colleges after a rainfall. I remember watching the yellowed autumn leaves drifting in the water along the side of the shining road, an unforgettable moment of melancholy.
After two or three weeks I decided enough was enough, and I starting blocking out this obsession. In two or three months, I was more or less back to normal. Fortunately in the 40 years since then I have learned to deal with death without totally avoiding the subject, so I want to share a few ideas about soothing the sting of mortality.
For me the problem of death is mainly the possibility that I will disappear. I can relate to what Woody Allen said when he was asked, "Mr. Allen, when you make motion pictures, are you striving for immortality?" Woody replied, "I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve immortality by not dying!"
For many of you, personal disappearance is not an issue, because you have confidence that our consciousness goes on in some other dimension. Some of you understand the message of Easter in a traditionally Christian way, and I trust that Easter is an especially joyous time for you. But even though we Unitarian Universalists have many different theologies, I hope all of you will find some value in my suggestions today and in my own appreciation of Easter morning.
Human beings first confronted the problem of death when it dawned on them that nobody gets out of here alive. But after they started growing crops, people found a new way to look at this issue. They saw that when a plant dies or is eaten, it leaves behind seeds. Placed in the ground, these grow to new life. In many different cultures, burying the seed and watching it sprout inspired stories of dying and rising gods, including Jesus of Nazareth. The New Testament mentions seeds many times, and the Gospel of John shows Jesus poetically foreshadowing his death and resurrection: "...unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit." (John 12:24)
Even though I do not take the Bible literally, reading the story of Jesus has helped me deal with the fear of personal disappearance. I'm not entirely sure why it helps, but I don't need to know that. Rather than getting tangled up with whether the Bible or any other sacred book is "true," we can simply read the story and see how it changes us. One thing I appreciate is Jesus' attitude of trust and acceptance. "Do not be anxious about your life," he said. "Do not be anxious about tomorrow." (Matthew 6:25 and 34)
So reading sacred scriptures can soothe the fear of death. Another approach is more philosophical. We can look at how life and death fit into the big picture and get a broader perspective that helps us feel that it's all okay.
Buddhism offers one philosophical perspective that I find valuable. The Buddha realized the inevitability of death in one single instant, seeing a corpse on the roadside. [That was one of the "four passing sights" that led him to begin his spiritual journey. The other sights were a sick man, and old man, and a monk with begging bowl.] But after he became enlightened, he taught his disciples that we need not worry about personal disappearance, because there is no enduring personal self anyway. He may have been right in saying we do not persist through the passage of time. Certainly the Chris Schriner who existed as a six-year-old is gone. Some of little Chris' ways of feeling and acting are alive in me today, but he himself has passed away. This is sad, but it clears a space for the person I am now. Clinging to passing moments does not work. Clinging and grasping cause us pain. If you make a fist and hold on to something, what happens? Your hand becomes smaller and tends to pull toward you. And the tighter you grip, the more it hurts.
I appreciate the idea of releasing the craving for permanence in a world that is constantly changing. Another helpful perspective is the realization that in a very real sense none of us here will ever taste death. If death is not the end, then our lives will go on. If it is the end, we won't be around to experience it. This reminds me of another Woody Allen remark: "It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens." Well, when it happens, we won't be there. All we will ever know is life, so we will never "be" dead. Death cannot touch us - only the fear of death. So we sometimes think death is the problem when the real problem is fear.
A personal growth program called The Sedona Method wisely emphasizes that a feeling is only a feeling. I cannot keep from dying, but I can soften the fear of death. In fact most of the time I do not experience that fear. Feelings come and go like clouds in the sky. The habit of fearing death is only a habit, and habits can be changed.
"Do not stand at my grave and weep;
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift up-flinging rush
of quiet birds in circling flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die."