Step One: Schedule a Daily Worry Time (Identify your worst fears)

• Distressing thoughts are part of life, but scheduled daily worry time gives your worries an outlet so they don’t hound you constantly.
• It helps you put into words what is bothering you and what your worst fears are.
• It gets the worries out of you and down on paper – where you can deal with them later.

If worries, fears, or other upsetting thoughts trouble you, begin by scheduling a daily worry time.

WHY?

• Distressing thoughts are part of life. Step One gives the worries an outlet so they are less like to constantly badger you.
• It helps you put into words what is bothering you and what your worst fears are.
• It gets the worries out of you and down on paper – where you can deal with them.

HOW?
Every day, schedule 15-30 minutes when you do 24 hours’ worth of worrying. During this time:

• DO nothing but worry. Write, type, or tape your worries.
• DON’T try to be rational. Don’t plan. Don’t evaluate or challenge your worries. This time is just for worrying.

After your scheduled worry time, get busy. Actively do something else.

When worries come to mind at other times:

• Stop and make a note of the worry.
• Promise to think about it during the next scheduled worry time – and be sure to do so.
• Then go on about your business.

Step Two: Are the Worries Likely and Realistic – or Not? (Fears vs Facts)

• Just because you think or believe something, doesn’t mean it is true. Most of us have thoughts, worries, & fears that are not likely, not realistic, or not helpful.
• Fearful or distressing thoughts are useful only when they accurately warn you of likely, realistic problems and motivate you to avoid or cope with them.
• Testing thoughts against facts determines whether your thoughts are accurate, supported by facts, and likely – or not.

WHY?

• Worry’s useful purpose is to warn you of likely, realistic problems.
• But just because you think or believe something, doesn’t mean it is true. Most of us have thoughts, worries, and fears that are not likely, not realistic, or not helpful.
• Step Two tests your thoughts against the facts. The facts help you decide whether your fear is accurate, supported by facts, and likely – or not.

HOW? Make a table with 2 columns and many rows:

• Label the 1st column Fears/Worries/Upsetting Thoughts.
• Label the 2nd column Facts/Evidence.

In Column 1: write only 1 fear, worry, or distressing thought per row. Use as many rows as you need so all your worries are written and each one has its own row. In Column 2: write ALL the relevant facts.

• Is the upsetting thought 100% accurate?
• Is it 100% true?
• Does the evidence totally agree?
• Have you blown things out of proportion, or looked only at the negative?
• Is the thought helpful?
• Is it what you would say to a friend?

Fill both columns. Then go over and over the facts and come up with thoughts that are both true and helpful.

• If you want perfection or a guarantee that everything will work out, remember that certainty in life is impossible and no one gets guarantees, but everyone lives under these conditions and not everyone is troubled by fears or worry.
• Uncertainty does not equal danger; it’s just the way things are.
• Life can be good without being perfect.

Step Three: When the Worries ARE Likely and Realistic (“What if …? Then …”)

• When the facts agree that you have a likely, realistic problem, you need to develop and follow a plan to avoid, minimize, or cope with it.
• Your ability to worry can help you see potential problems with your plan (“what if …?”) and to make back-up plans (“Then I will …”).

WHY?

• When the facts agree with your fears, Worry’s useful purpose is to warn you of likely, realistic problems.
• After you have a plan for these problems, worry can stop because it has done its job.
• In Step Three you plan ways to cope with any likely, realistic problem.

HOW?

IF the facts agree that you are worrying about a realistic, likely problem, you need plans for how you will avoid, or minimize, or cope despite the problem. I call this, “What if … ? Then …” writing.

Make another table with 2 columns:

• 1st Column: write each problem where the facts say that your worry is likely and realistic.
• 2nd Column: Come up with a plan for how you will cope. It doesn’t have to be perfect, it just has to be a plan.

Fill both columns. Use your ability to worry to identify potential problems with your plan and then create a back-up plan. Keep doing this until you have some kind of coping plan for everything you can think of. Your worry has now done its job.

Review your realistic, helpful, fact-based thoughts and follow your coping plans.

When you start to worry:

• Remind yourself that you have a plan,
• Aaccept uncertainty as inevitable, and
• Postpone worrying to your scheduled worry time.

Remember:

• Perfection and certainty in life are impossible and no one gets guarantees, but everyone lives under these conditions and not everyone is troubled by fears or worry.
• Uncertainty does not equal danger; it’s just the way things are.
• Life can be good without being perfect.

Copyright Elizabeth McMahon, PhD 2009